m007, 005 Kislev 25
Questions for today:
Am I a good person? If so, why do I mess up so much?
Study today’s Tanya in full:
https://www.chabadmed.com/dailystudy/tanya.asp?tdate=11/29/2021
Today’s Tanya answers the most important human struggle.
Our biggest struggle is not other people who are trying to attack us - it's when we are confused: Am I a good person with great ideals, or am I the one always making all these mistakes - which one am I?
Our matriarch Rebecca waited twenty years to become pregnant and then, when her child was kicking inside, [At both places; to worship G-d, and Idols, -rashi] she says “why am I here”?
G-d tells her “you are going to have twins, and they are always going to fight”.
But why such an existential question from a baby kicking, and what kind of answer is that? how does that make her happy?
Rebecca’s question was existential because while idol worship may be terrible, if done whole-heartedly, as Avraham and Yisro did, it must end. A confused soul however, might never change.
Today's Tanya tells us that our struggle is not coming from a confused soul. We have two souls; a healthy animal soul that is always going to want to be physical, and a healthy G-dly soul that is always going to want to be Divine.
As soon as we realize that, it takes away the whole confusion. This was the message G-d gave to Rebecca: it's not a confused child, it's two healthy children.
This too is the message the Tanya gives today, and we'll explain in the coming weeks and months.
Today’s video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbYKgETEN5I&list=PLFZQPK6u-zSBls9Hwx3P5vKI_BRnjBvHe&index=4
Additional thoughts:
Today’s Tanya takes the vast majority of our self-perspective, and flips it one hundred and eighty degrees.
A common self-defense mechanism is to separate our self from our actions. I am not ‘hurtful’, I hurt someone.
A common self-vilifying perspective is that every bad choice we make proves all of our positive self-evaluation wrong: if I indeed were caring, how could I hurt someone like I just did? If I am ambitious, how could I waste so much time?
Today’s Tanya attacks both of those ideas.
On the one hand, it describes our tendencies as a “nefesh”, a soul. I hurt people because my soul is animalistic and narcissistic, it’s what I am.
On the other hand, it in no way contradicts my positive self-evaluation. Am indeed the kind person I feel proud to be.
I feel both good and selfish feelings because I have two, distinct, souls.
I am ambitious, and I am lethargic. I am caring, and I am selfish. Both are true, each an expression of one of my “souls”.
Aside from the clarity this concept gives, it also is a springboard to deep meaning and purpose, which we’ll see in eg. in chapter 27.